Impeachment Jams

So, remember that song from Robin Hood, the animated version? “A Pox On the Phony King of England”? Me too! Here you go, new lyrics from a hell of a day:


Oh the world will sing of a would-be king
A hundred years from now,
And not because he passed some laws
Or had that lofty brow.
With Grand Old Party flunkies game
To toe the party line,
He sold our foreign policy
And still made out just fine.
Incredible as he is inept,
Whenever the history books are kept
They’ll call Don the phony king in DC.
A pox on the phony king in DC!

He sits alone in his big white home
Pretending he’s the king—
A shady lout who sells us out
From Putin’s apron strings.
And he throws an angry tantrum
If he cannot have his way—
And then he calls for Mitch
And cries “hunt the witch!”—
You see, he doesn’t want to pay.

The shame of our century twenty-first,
He pines for our country at its worst,
Don Trump the phony king in DC.

While we allow corruption
And this rampant bigotry,
We’ll never build a country where
Our kids can grow up free.
So come on, grow a backbone,
Let’s address our past misdeeds;
Don’t let this jackass take away
Our (flawed) democracy.

The Senate voted to acquit—
But he’s been impeached and we won’t forget—
That breezy and uneasy cheese in DC.

The sniveling, groveling,
Measly, weaselly,
Blabbering, jabbering,
Gibbering, jabbering,
Blundering, plundering,
Wheeling, dealing,
Don Trump, that phony king in DC.
A pox on the phony king in DC!


(I messed with the meter on a couple of lines and adjusted some things in an attempt to make it singable without a fiddle. You should feel free to sing it extensively.)

War Stories

My grandfather, after he retired from the Army Corps of Engineers, taught military history for a number of years, and by the time I was born he’d amassed a small library’s worth of books and then some. I was twelve when I pulled Bill Mauldin’s Up Front off the shelf. It’s a tidy volume bound in brown cloth, filled with single-panel cartoons depicting infantry life in World War II alongside Mauldin’s prose notes on the subject. It’s a funny, dark, straightforward book that’s frequently described as “grim” in reviews and commentary. I’ve loved it since I first read it through.

There are lots of topics that are off-limits when you’re writing for kids. Books, movies, music, whatever it is, there are things we’re comfortable with kids exploring and things we’re not. Sex, torture, gleeful violence, sexual violence–they’re all out-of-bounds up to the age of sixteen or so. Kids should learn about the world, we say, and about other people, but not too much. Not too fast. We introduce death slowly, and we argue when we do about whether we did the right thing.

Which is why I’m fascinated by our enthusiasm for kids playing at war.

Girls dress up as Katniss Everdeen for Halloween and parents are thrilled that they have such an empowering costume available to them. Since 1977, thousands of children have played Rebels and Empire in their backyards with cheerful abandon. Even that simplest of card games, the one you learn to while away a long wait at the doctor’s office, is called War.

We’re (thank goodness) no longer happy to have boys with BB guns running around the neighborhood shooting at each other with only a metal-bucket helmet for protection. Elementary school playgrounds ban sword fights with sticks. But once we take away the genuine danger of child-size weapons, we’ve decided that other parts of war–the maneuvering, the rhetoric, and yes, the fighting and the dying, if it’s clean enough or heroic enough–are all fair game.

What do we see in war that makes us say, yes, this is child’s play? It certainly isn’t the horrific bombings, casual murder, frequent boredom, civilian deaths, or exhausting uncertainty. It isn’t body parts hanging from shattered tree limbs or children, real children, reenacting the way their best friend died; we don’t give kids All Quiet on the Western Front or Syrian Dust and say, here, blueprints for your next game. But once you’ve taken the hard parts out, what exactly is it that we think is left?

You draw a card, and I draw a card. One of them is numerically superior to the other, and so the losing card is ceded and absorbed into the winner’s forces. We draw, and we come up even, and thus results not just a skirmish, but a battle, wherein we bet the fate of three cards on the power of one. I lose, and you absorb my losses into your deck.

It’s a pleasant game. Polite. Unambiguous. In each round there are winners and losers, and sometimes we are one and sometimes we are the other. Losses may well be won back again. The forces are interchangeable, and we almost never play to the drawn-out end. It’s all very civilized.

We play at war, kids and adults who have never in our lives seen a battlefield except when the cannons are plugged with cement. Assuming we have even an inkling of what we’re doing, it must take a special kind of mental gymnastics to focus on the parts we find interesting or exciting and box up the deaths and dismemberings on the shelf labeled non-threatening ideas for the moment. It’s a very particular kind of deception.

I’m not sure it’s a bad thing, as long as we know that we’re lying to ourselves.

War happens. We can’t pretend that it doesn’t or wish it away. At the same time, though, most of us don’t want to go looking for it, and we sure as hell don’t want to help it along. Our best bet, then, is to borrow from Sun Tzu: know your enemy. That means trying to understand war as best we can, even those of us who by accidents of time and place haven’t at this point in our lives heard our friends die beside us or seen the aftermath of a bombing up close.

What we have to go on is stories, the true and the fictional. We read histories, watch dramatizations, and listen to first-hand accounts, and yes, as kids we play these out with our toy soldiers the same way we play house or play funeral. Stories and games are ways we make sense of incomprehensible things like adulthood, like death, like thousands and sometimes millions of people killing each other as fast as energy and ingenuity will let them, like physics and astronomy and entropy.

It’s worth doing. We just have to remember that it’s an inexact attempt at best.

Lucky for us.

Up Front, in case this wasn’t clear, isn’t a book for kids. At all. But there are other books that are, some of them excellent. Nathan Hale’s Treaties, Trenches, Mud, and Blood is a nonfiction graphic novel about World War I. Baseball Saved Us by Ken Mochizuki is a picture book about Japanese-American families interned in Idaho during World War II. I’ve previously mentioned Number the Stars.

My grandfather, who spent twenty years in the Army, who never once spoke about his combat experiences in Vietnam when he knew I could hear him, kept his copy of Up Front when he and my grandmother moved to their retirement community and left most of their library with my parents. My grandmother gave it to me when he died.

Folded inside the book is a Life magazine article Mauldin wrote about the 1945 American Legion convention. I don’t know for sure that my grandfather was the person who clipped it; the book has a $1.00 price scribbled inside the cover in pencil, suggesting that it was purchased used, but the arrangement of staples on the article inside looks to me like Grandpa’s doing. He would have been eighteen at the time.

In any case, the article begins on page 38. Page 37, on the flip side, is a full-page black-and-white photograph: “U.S. BOMBERS THAT SCOURGED GERMANY ARE LINED UP FOR SCRAP PILE AT WALNUT RIDGE, ARK.” That war, at least, was over.

Canteen #5

LENA: But when I saw it today–hey, it’s Cap! Cap, over here!

CAP: Hey, guys.

ROB: Hey, friend!

LENA: Where have you been? Were you sick again?

CAP: Yeah, sick and then catching up on work. Sorry for not leaving a note.

LENA: You mean on the Bulletin Board of Bad Ideas?

ROB: Nobody calls it that except you.

LENA: It’s going to catch on.

CAP: Did something happen with the bulletin board while I was gone?

ROB: No more than usual.

CAP: Uh-oh.

LENA: You’ll notice that it’s not on the wall anymore.

CAP: Um…where is it?

LENA: The current theory is that it developed sentience and is holding our notes for ransom.

CAP: …Interesting theory.

ROB: I have pointed out that scribbled notes about bikes for sale and Have You Seen My Werewolf aren’t especially valuable–

LENA: But if it thinks they’re valuable–

ROB: In that case the larger problem is that it thinks.

LENA (to CAP): Things got really weird while you were gone. Never leave us again.

CAP (grinning): I’ll try. What were y’all talking about when I came in?

LENA: Oh! Rob had this fascinating theory–

ROB (modestly): It’s moderately interesting–

LENA: –that every time we have a conversation here, each of our stories–



SALAMANDER: Have you seen an invisible castle anywhere?

LENA: Is this a prank? The manager doesn’t really like those.

SALAMANDER: No, no! It shouldn’t be here, and I don’t think it is, but it isn’t where it belongs, either, so I wanted to ask just in case you’d seen it. Or run into it. You don’t look like you’ve run into it. None of you look concussed. (Pause.) Except maybe that one.

CAP: I’m not concussed, I’m just really tired.

ROB: I haven’t seen or run into anything like that.

LENA: Me either.

ROB: Maybe you should try the manager. An invisible castle seems like an actual problem if it’s here.

SALAMANDER: I will! Oh, but I wished to speak first with the permanent citizens.

CAP (side-eyeing ROB and LENA): Permanent citizens?

LENA: We haven’t seen an invisible castle.


ROB: Or run into one.

SALAMANDER: Alas. Thank you anyway and goodbye now.

LENA: You’re, um, you’re welcome.

CAP: Permanent citizens?

LENA: …Rob has this theory.

CAP: Uh huh.

LENA: We know that this place is outside of our stories, but maybe we bring back something, just a little bit of something, when we visit here.

CAP: What kind of something?

ROB: Like feelings, or new ideas. Not things, but…somethings.

CAP: Hmm. Interesting.

LENA: Stories always change over time.

ROB: Maybe this is part of why.

CAP: So things like jokes and idioms and whatever might make their way into the old stories when people tell them, because y’all are all swapping them here?

ROB: In theory it happens really, really slowly.

LENA: It could take generations.

ROB: It might not be that slow.

CAP: So what’s the thing you’re trying to make happen in your story?

ROB (guilty): Uh, what do you mean?

CAP: The salamander person said you’d been here a lot lately.

ROB: So has Lena!

LENA: I’m keeping you company.

ROB: Fine. Yes. I’m hoping to make things happen a little sooner than generations.

CAP: What kind of things?

ROB: …Someone introduced skinny jeans to my story.

CAP: Ooh. Ouch.

ROB: Yes. I’m not a fan. How do you wear those?

CAP: I guess I’m used to them.

ROB: Do you go running through the woods in them.

CAP: Rarely. I see your point.

ROB: Yes.

LENA: I’m not sure how we get you back in leggings, though.

ROB: I’d settle for trousers. Or sweatpants.

CAP: Can we make it happen?

ROB: I’m still not sure.

CAP: Hmm…how did skinny jeans make it into your story in the first place? Maybe we can trace it back from there.

(ROB and LENA turn on her slowly, without blinking.)

CAP: Hey.


CAP: Come on, someone had to be thinking of putting you in skinny jeans long before I was wearing them.

(One slow blink from each of them.)

CAP: Dammit.

ROB: Yes.

CAP: I don’t think it’s going to help you out at all for me to wear tights.

ROB: They’re more like leggings.

CAP: Or leggings.

LENA: He said he’d settle for sweatpants.

CAP: Sweatpants?

ROB: Sweatpants.

(Two days later, CAP comes back, this time in sweatpants.)

CAP: Hey guys.


ROB: …Hey.

CAP (to ROB): Whoa. You look miserable. What’s wrong?

(ROB lets out a dramatic wail and goes to get more coffee as CAP stares after him. LENA shrugs resignedly.)

LENA: Pumpkin pants.

CAP: Pumpkin pants? Like in Shakespeare?

LENA: Yup.


CAP: That one’s not my fault.

LENA: Yup.

Who Would You Want To Be?

Wolfie the Bunny coverIf you haven’t read Wolfie the Bunny, you’re in for a treat. It’s a bright yellow picture book about a family of rabbits that takes in a baby wolf they find in a basket on their front porch. The parents are immediately infatuated with baby Wolfie; the daughter, Dot, is much more suspicious. It’s a sweet book that includes, among other things, repeated threats of homicide.

It’s one of my favorite books to read aloud to a group. Older kids love it as much as younger ones. There’s humor, action, and a bold illustration style that plays well to a room.

And when the projector won’t start and you need to stall, it’s a tremendously fun book with which to ask a group of second graders: Which character would you want to be?

It’s always an interesting question to consider, in books for both kids and adults, because it can be a tricky one. Do you decide based on the character’s history? Their skills and interests? The people they surround themselves with? The place they live? And what about disqualifying factors? Maybe you really love a character and they’re good at something you’ve always wanted to try, but you can’t stomach the way they treat someone else. Or you share a character’s passion for music and get very excited about the way she talks about it, but you have to balance that with the fact that she spends much of the novel in the hospital, and you’re deathly afraid of needles. It’s a strange thing to think about, borrowing an entire existence in one go.

So I asked these kids about Wolfie the Bunny. The conversation went like this.

CAP: Which character would you want to be? Go ahead, shout it out. (They did. Some of them yelled “Wolfie!” and some of them yelled “Dot!”) Okay, show of hands, who would want to be Dot?

(All of the girls raised their hands.)

CAP: And who would want to be Wolfie?

(All of the boys raised their hands. I wasn’t totally surprised, but I was a little disappointed, so I nodded like that answered the question and switched topics entirely.)

CAP: Okay, shout it out, who do you think is the bravest character in the book?

KIDS (gleefully): Dot!!

CAP: What makes her brave?

(They raised their hands and gave me a bunch of really good answers here—she stood up to a bear even though he could eat her, she told her parents what she thought even though they didn’t agree, etc.)

CAP: Okay, wait, I’ve forgotten, who did you say you wanted to be? Shout it out.

And here this hilarious thing happened, where all of the girls—and some of the boys—shouted “Dot!” with great enthusiasm, and several of the boys shouted “Wolfie!” with equal enthusiasm, and about a dozen of the remaining boys sat there with their mouths half-open, unable to decide. You could watch the gears turning behind their eyes. Some of them mumbled “Wolfie” a beat behind everyone else, and some of them said “Dot,” and some of them didn’t say anything at all.

I asked a different question, and we moved right along, and eventually the projector was fixed and the presentation went on as scheduled.

Who would you want to be? It’s a game, an idle one with no winners or losers. Try these lives on for size and see if one of them fits. No winners and no losers, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself unexpectedly discomfited when the person whose life intrigues you most doesn’t look, talk, think, or act like you. You like people across a range of genders and they only like girls, and you have to wrap your head around how that matters to you. They have all of the skills you covet, but they also have a terrible singing voice, and singing is the primary thing in your life after food and water. They have blond hair and you like your brown hair; is that a sticking point for you? Do you find yourself trying to squish and twist the text to accommodate the parts of yourself you can’t give up, or are you willing to stretch yourself instead?

Plenty of people have already talked about how good it is for us to get outside of ourselves like that sometimes, and how important it is to tell a broad swath of stories because of that. We repeat aphorisms on the subject from Atticus Finch, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Abraham Lincoln. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk “The Danger of a Single Story” is my favorite examination of the subject; she’s compassionate and needle-sharp at once.

What’s interesting to me about the who-would-you-want-to-be game that’s a little different from the diversity, inclusivity, etc. discussion is the limited circumstances the game places in front of you. Who would you want to be in this story? You can be a sweet wolf or a brave bunny (or, I guess, a homicidal bear), but in Wolfie the Bunny you can’t decide to be a sweet bunny or a brave wolf, because we don’t meet anyone like that on the page. Sure, Dot has her moments of empathy, and Wolfie has his moments of determination, and we can go searching those out. We hope that characters show nuance even in picture books. Still, no matter how nuanced, each character is given a specific set of circumstances and actions, and nothing else; and we have to decide exactly how far we can see ourselves going along with them.

In a limited field of options, we may sometimes get lucky and find our dream selves exactly center on the page, but much more often, what we’re going to have to decide is, which of these lives fits well enough?

That question demands not only empathy but an active choice to reconcile ourselves to imperfection. Our answer requires us to ask, will I stand by this character’s decisions even if I don’t agree with them all the time? Even if I don’t love them, even if they’re someone I wouldn’t get along with in real life? Even if I wouldn’t really want to be this person if I could help it? In this specific context, we ask ourselves, can I understand them, and perhaps admire them, enough?

You’re a boy, and you identify with Wolfie in that regard; and you want to be brave, so you identify with Dot. Now choose between the two. It’s artificial. It’s mind-bending. It’s often uncomfortable. And then you reach the end of the book, and you’re back in your very own skin, in your very own life, and the choices in front of you still aren’t perfect. They never are. We tell our kids that you can grow up to be whatever you want to be with hard work, talent, determination, pick your poison, but we can recognize in our own lives that that’s simply not true. I will never have the lungs to run a marathon no matter how hard I train; I am not wired to teach in a public school classroom; I will never work in Mission Control on a NASA mission to the moon because we don’t do that these days, and so I made different choices in high school and then in college, and now I’m here instead of somewhere else. I’m as happy as anyone can be right now and wouldn’t trade my life for all the moon landings in the solar system, though that, too, is partly a matter of chance, and anything can change.

The choices in front of us aren’t perfect, and they’re limited in scope no matter who you are; but that’s neither a good nor a bad thing. It just is. (The fact that some people face more limits than others because of the way society is structured is, as always, a point worth taking note of, and it can absolutely be a bad thing.) Our lives are messier and more complicated than any book we’ll ever read—Wolfie the Bunny or War and Peace—and stories are both how we make sense of the chaos and how we practice the decisions we may need to make.

Who would you be in this story? It’s a game.

It doesn’t mean anything unless you want it to.

Happy Independent Bookstore Day!

To celebrate, here are three things I love about working as a bookseller at an independent store:

  1. There’s always something new to learn. Each of us on staff has a few specialties, and then sometimes we just have to fill in a gap to get something done. This week I listened to one of my coworkers explain how mosques and cathedrals were built in Spain and also started learning to code. I love my job.
  2. I’m frequently proven wrong in a very good way. I wrote earlier this week about how there’s a bit of a stigma attached to grown-ups reading young adult fiction, and then yesterday I had a lovely adult customer who lit up like a Christmas tree when I asked if I could give her a YA recommendation as well as adult fiction ones. Bone Gap has a new home, and, okay, one interaction doesn’t negate the previous ones, but it’s a nice reminder to keep expanding my perspective as new information comes in.
  3. Kids. Always the kids. We met a three-year-old girl this week who was very quiet but super happy about the book about space she came in for with her mom. Jupiter is her favorite planet because of the big red spot that’s actually a storm; she asked me lots of questions about gravity; and when one of the other booksellers asked if she was going to go into space herself one day, she nodded vigorously. And then the next evening there was a kindergartener who chatted with me enthusiastically about black bears while I rang up his family’s books and then spontaneously reached over the counter for a high-five before he left with his mom. It’s been a good week.

So, whether you’ll be visiting a bookstore or not, have a lovely Independent Bookstore Day! If you do drop in to see us, we’ll be happy to say hey. And never forget: Jupiter’s Great Red Spot rotates counterclockwise, and black bears fish for salmon too even though we associate that with grizzlies.

Man, I love my job.

Spoiler Alert: I Like Young Adult Fiction

So I’m not really sure how it happened, but we seem to have decided as a society that young adult books aren’t real books.

That’s the conclusion I have to draw from two separate conversations I’ve overheard this week, one at the bookstore and one at one of my other jobs, which included variations on “I mean, it’s YA, but it’s not really YA, because it’s good.” One was at meeting of a book club, in reference to The Giver; I don’t know what the other comment was about.

I wasn’t technically part of either conversation–hazards of the service industry–so I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do, which was to ask (politely) for the speakers to clarify what they meant by a book not really being YA if it was good. Can kids’ books be good under that definition? What qualifies as YA? And why on earth are we so squeamish, as adults, about admitting that we sometimes read books for which teenagers are the target audience?

Quite aside from our rather bizarre hypocrisy of collectively expecting adults in the entertainment industry (and elsewhere) to look like teenagers when we apparently otherwise hold said teenagers in some contempt, I’m curious about what it is we object to about YA. I mean, I’m assuming that a lot of you who have read this far don’t object to it at all, but we’re a self-selecting sample. A larger (though similarly self-selecting) sample of librarians, booksellers, and authors I’ve worked or spoken with have related frequent anecdotes about being taken less seriously when they discuss YA than when they talk about either children’s or adult books. I can certainly say that I’ve had very few adult customers show any compunctions about purchasing children’s books to read themselves, but even some of my regular customers remain embarrassed when they buy Shadowshaper or Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda for themselves.

Don’t get me wrong; when Twilight gets as much attention as it has, and when it then spawns not only a movie franchise but the surreal cultural phenomenon that is 50 Shades of Gray, I can understand that you might not have gotten the best first impression of young adult fiction. Maybe you’re also skeptical of the hoopla surrounding The Hunger Games and Harry Potter–I’d consider the last three books in that series to be YA–or have heard way too many people talking about love triangles and Manic Pixie Dream Girls in relation to stories for teenagers and are feeling a little burned out.

It’s curious to me, though, that the people I’ve overheard aren’t rejecting vampire books (the book club that appreciated The Giver is quite enthusiastic about non-Twilight vampires) or dystopias (witness the current popularity of The Handmaid’s Tale, Brave New World, and 1984), or even genre fiction in general. They’re rejecting all literature written for young adults. Genre fiction, realistic fiction, humor, if it’s written with teenagers in mind, it’s out.

Notably, the three dystopian classics I just listed are all frequently read or taught in high school. We consider them eminently suitable for young adult audiences. But where I have no problems selling 1984 to a forty-five-year-old father of two, I find that the suggestion that they check out Little Brother by Cory Doctorow is met with blank stares, even though I would consider the two books to be comparably subtle (so, not especially, but there’s definitely a time and a place where that works well), and even though Little Brother is in fact free to read online if anyone’s interested.

Is it about the age of the main characters? But I’m not alone in loving To Kill a Mockingbird and City of Thieves, and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime is popular in multiple adaptations. And The Boy in the Black Suit by Jason Reynolds is a solid example of a young adult novel in which the protagonist essentially functions as an adult, with jobs, grief, relationships, and looking after family the primary concerns.

Is it the lack of graphic sex and violence? I’d like to direct you here to the massive cultural obsession with Jane Austen, who relates very little sex or violence indeed, and the fact that I Am the Messenger and The Female of the Species are considered YA even with scenes of violence and sexual content that are as explicit as most literary fiction and sometimes more so.

I don’t have an answer here. I don’t know why some of us who work extensively with young adult fiction have run into skepticism, or why I keep hearing these kinds of comments, some of which customers say to my face as if I’ll undoubtedly agree. I don’t know why I’ve seen people who are clearly engrossed in March put it down when they find out it’s won YA honors. (We shelve it with adult books now and it does well.)

But I want to add on something that may or may not be a counterpoint to everything I’ve said so far: The Book Thief, which was originally published as an adult novel with a young narrator, is now frequently shelved in YA. I almost never have to hand-sell it; both adults and teenagers pick it up off the shelf without a word from me. Adults will sometimes ask where they can find it. The same is true of The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros: it’s shelved in both YA and adult, because that’s where people look for it, and adults are quite happy to pick it up from the YA shelves.

There’s nothing that makes The Book Thief and The House on Mango Street more or less literary than, say, The Hate U Give. All are beautifully-written stories of vital, deeply human characters with much to say about wider society. The difference is in how we talk about them. We talk about The Book Thief and The House on Mango Street as books worth reading on their own merits. We celebrate the act of reading them rather than shaming each other or ourselves for it.

We can do that with more books, if we choose to. I’m starting to see it already with The Hate U Give, for which probably half my customers have been adults buying for themselves.

The Hunger Games still doesn’t have to be your cup of tea. It really isn’t mine. But we get to decide whether we dislike something for what it is, or whether we dislike it because we hold people who like it in contempt. You might notice that I’m heavily biased towards the former.

We decide what we take seriously. We decide what we let ourselves explore and what we let ourselves delight in.

Lucky us.